The First and the Lasts

I recently had to do something with my youngest son that made me realize, I'm now beggining to experience my last of things. We spend so much of our life experiencing so many first, but then suddenly we begin to experience our lasts. I struggled with this as I sat there and listened to the speech that I had sat through with my older two and I found myself swallowing down the emotions. My mind drifted as I Iooked around the gym at my son and all his friends, sitting there listening and chatting and giggling and excited to start this next chapter in their lives. Middle School. The halfway point.

It's an interesting moment when you realize that you are on the opposite side of the uphill climb in your life. Hoping you are blessed enough to get the time to experience all the next firsts and unfortunately, all the lasts. It's like life is happening and we are so busy watching it that we don't even realize how much older we've actually gotten. Which I guess means we are so busy living it that we've missed when the wrinkles became a little deeper and the aches and pains set in. I giggle when I think about this because I was always a bare feet kind of person. Even when I was young, running bare foot was what I did. I loved the freedom that I felt. Now, if I walk around too long without shoes, my feet hurt, my back hurts, and I can barley walk the next day.

I remind myself that I will still have many first. My first grandchild, then the second and so on, if I get to be so lucky. My first day of retirement, my first time seeing so many things that I just haven't gotten to see yet. I try to focus on those because the other side of that is bittersweet. The last time I sit through the talks at the schools. Then it goes beyond that to my parents, my loved ones in general. As we get older we unfortunately start to lose those that we love so much. If we are lucky we are here to see those lasts, but then we have our firsts that come along with it. Our first time we want to call, the first holiday without them, all those first are ones that I dread.

Life is just so extraordinary. It's such a beautiful mess. It's give and take, slow and quick, steady and chaotic, filled with so many firsts and lasts. We have to train our brain to live life to fullest. Soak in every thing that we can. Stop and look around. Be silent and still and take it all in. Learn to enjoy every moment that you are given because one day, it will be the last moment you get of whatever you're doing. One day it will be our last day, of this beautiful mess.